Things you don’t want to hear during surgery…

– Could you stop that thing from beeping? It’s throwing off my concentration!
– What’s this doing here?
– That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
– I should have brought my glasses.
– Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
– Oh, no! Anybody seen my Rolex?
– I hate it when there’s stuff missing.
– What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change?!
– And now, I’ll remove the subject’s brain and place it in the body of the ape.
– This patient has already had kids, right?
– What do you mean, “You want a divorce?!”
– “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!”
– Oops.
– Let me ask your opinion, nurse…
– I thought we started with four clamps?
– Has anyone ever seen one of these?
– What do you mean, it’s upside down?
– Oh, man! I think I’m gonna be sick.
– This is what happens when cousins marry.
– You think we can sew it back on?
– Put on Jedwards’ new CD.
– Is that supposed to be yellow?
– I learned that when I studied to be a vet.
– Not bad for someone who failed med school.
– Hand me that… uh… that uh… thingie.
– Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
– Dammit!, there go the lights again…
– Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of ’em.
– Stand back! I lost a contact.
– Whoa. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk last night.
– Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?
– They never let us practice on real people in med school.
– That proves aliens have taken over our bodies.
– He looks like my ex-wife’s attorney. The one who got her the house, the car, the money… he even got her!
– Don’t worry, he’ll never know. He’s out!
– Sterile, shcmeril. The floor’s pretty clean, right?
– Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
– Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
– Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
– Don’t worry. I think it’s sharp enough.
– She’s gonna blow! Everyone take cover!
– Bugger! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
– FIRE! FIRE! Everybody out!
– Alfie! ALFIE! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
– Okay, make a wish and pull.
– So that’s what a girl looks like!
– Back in a minute. Gotta put more money in the meter.
– What he doesn’t know won’t hurt us.
– Uh, ya want fries with that?
– Who ordered the pepperoni?
– Jeez! Look at the size of that!
– Tilt that TV this way. I can’t see the game.
– Poor guy. Maybe we should give him a sex change.
– The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this.
– I think my Alzheimers is getting… uh…
– Oh, yeah? If you think you’re so good, you do it!
– How come this patient has both sex organs?
– CLEAR!!

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3 Responses to “Things you don’t want to hear during surgery…”

  1. Marc August 16, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    Of course, should you be under general anaesthetic, you really don’t want to be hearing ANYTHING! o.O

    • Matt August 16, 2011 at 5:42 pm #

      Of course, but being near Prince Phillip hospital…nuff said!

      • Marc September 3, 2011 at 6:21 pm #

        Being near Prince Philip Hospital… you should try working there! Actually, no you shouldn’t. Spare yourself the torment 😉

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